Lists – Chalk Boards – Cork Boards – Agenda’s – Did you know that they even have white-board tape so you can turn every surface in your life into lists, reminders and unattainable goals? Well they do.

There is not a room in my house that I do not have a list for. Install new light, re-paint, decorate the old dresser with stencils. Not a person I know I don’t have a list for – doctors appointment, remind about bake sale, write thank you note, bring over that extra thingy. Local government – yea I know how they should fix main street. School curriculum – they should update X,Y, and Z. World Economy – under control. Don’t get me started on my husband and kids. And all this is possible with the help of my latte machine and a few thousand things from the office supply store. Stationary, notebooks, poster board and presentation folders….. Hi my name is Eve and I am a control freak.

They say admitting you have a problem is the first step.  Well now what? Am I fixed?

Nope, still anxious. Still panic when someone slams a cabinet – What wrong? It’s my fault. Did I forget to prep the coffee last night? Was I suppose to get up early and drive someone somewhere – Maybe I promised something two weeks ago and forgot to put it on a list. Oh no, what if I lost a list? Shit. I see how today is going to go. All that takes about 0.5 seconds in my brain.

I cannot help anyone if I am not rested. I cannot be a good mom if I don’t eat my vegetables. I cannot make anyone do the things that nourish the soul if they don’t want to. I cannot make anything meet my expectations.

Put your own oxygen mask on before helping other passengers.

Today I am going to try to meet my obligations, after taking a shower, eating breakfast and doing a few minutes of meditation. I will count to 5 before offering to do something for someone. And I will ask myself if:

  1. Can and should they do it themselves
  2. Do I want to do it

That’s the best I can plan on for today. That’s enough too.

Advertisements